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Making Waves

By The Menzoid

So many people often wonder how it is that The Menzoid maintains his Aquaman-like physique. Well, it’s not by subscribing to a routine that entails sitting on the couch, eating Doritos, drinking copious quantities of Steeler and watching Springer episodes on the boob tube. Rather, The Menzoid, come rain or shine, is constantly out on the road atop his swank Argon 18 Kryptonite racing bike, whipping through Rich Man’s Hill like a supersized Speedy Gonzales, sometimes even singing a rousing cycling song such as “Bicycle Race” by Queen.

I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like.

Ah, the bicycling life! Fresh air! Cardiovascular exercise! And good-spirited camaraderie all around. What’s not to love?

Well, as much as a brisk bike ride out on the rural blacktop makes for a sure-fire way to burn off calories, The Menzoid finds a cycling excursion can also be stress-inducing given that there’s a certain cluster of cyclists who simply don’t subscribe to cycling etiquette,  the cyclist’s wave.

You see, when one cyclist passes another cyclist pedalling in the opposite direction, biking etiquette dictates that each cyclist lifts a hand from the handlebars and acknowledges the other pedlar with a nonchalant wave.

A wave makes for a goodwill gesture along the lines of, “Howdy, Brother. Have a good ride. Welcome to the club.”

It’s a cherished routine amongst serious cyclists ... well, some serious cyclists that is.

You see, another summer has whizzed by in which The Menzoid has yet again been snubbed by every single female cyclist he passed. The Menzoid always, always waves to all cyclists. But while the men wave back, what do the women give The Menzoid in return? A blank stare as though The Menzoid is some sort of gearbox on the fritz.

But why, damn it, why?

What is it about the biking Femazoids that won’t make them wave or even bow their head to The Menzoid?

Do the female cyclists erroneously believe The Menzoid is making a pass?

Or are they simply a bunch of Nervous Nellies too worried to take a hand off the handlebars?

Or have they been taught by mamma not to wave at strange cyclists?

Indeed, what is it about the female psyche that prevents a woman from waving at another cyclist during a bike ride?

Seeking insight, I queried Lady Menzoid about this anomaly.  Much like all other Femazoid cyclists encountered to date, she said there’s no way she’d wave at anyone else when out on a bike ride.

“Why would I wave at some goof waving at me?” she said. “If I don’t know him, I’m not going to wave at him. That’s just stupid.”

“But why not?” The Menzoid pleaded. “It’s part of cycling etiquette! Not to wave is akin to cycling snobbery. When someone doesn’t wave back at me, I say to myself, ‘What a witch!’ (Or that word that rhymes with ‘witch.’)”

Lady Menzoid’s eyes shot skyward.

“Listen, take your Lance Armstrong cycling etiquette, fold it in half, lube it on down, and shove it up those stupid spandex cycling shorts you wear,” she said.

The Menzoid realized his beloved bride was yet again a lost cause in terms of gleaning insight into this matter, so he called upon his pal, Ken. Ken doesn’t cycle, but he does own a 1977 Corvette. And wow, does Ken ever feel The Menzoid’s pain.

After all, just like cycling, a major part of Corvette etiquette entails performing the “Corvette Wave” whenever one Vette driver sees another Vette passing in the opposite direction.

Indeed, there are actually five specific Corvette Wave rules according to enthusiasts:

1. There is NO EXCUSE for not waving at your fellow Corvette owner. Not waving is a serious breach of proper Corvette etiquette.

2. Whoever sees the other Corvette first starts the wave.

3. Rules 1 and 2 APPLY TO BOTH SEXES.

4. Any type of wave is OK. However, this does not include any gesture that can be interpreted as obscene or insulting.

5. A late wave is better than no wave at all. If you suddenly realize that a Corvette driver is passing and waving at you, get a wave off as soon as possible. The other Corvette driver may see your wave in the rear-view mirror and realize you were just a little late in getting your wave going.

Ken explained that almost all Corvettes are driven by guys since a Corvette is no girly-girl Volkswagen Beetle. Thus, it is very rare not to have one Corvette driver acknowledge another one when passing. But on the odd occasion that Ken passes by a Corvette driven by a woman, his wave to her is never reciprocated.

“This drives me crazy, too,” said Ken. “What’s wrong with these chicks? Why won’t they wave? There’s no reason not to wave. I mean, I’m not asking them to run a marathon.”

Indeed.

Be it biking or “Vetting,” The Menzoid is appealing to the Adler Acolytes and the Menzoid Maniacs out there in Electric Radio Land to provide some insight: what is it about female travellers that make them so downright rude? Or do they simply not realize they are being rude and thus, should we start some public education campaign so that the Femazoids will be better educated and thus, wave regularly?

Please, ladies: help The Menzoid help you.

You’re welcome.

Beware the consumer police

Let individuals decide for themselves what they want to eat and drink

Thursday, September 29, 2011

DAVID MENZIES

  

Part of the joy of watching the Super Bowl is getting to see all those whiz-bang, big-budget ads.

The best spot to air during last year’s Super Bowl was surely the “Green Police” advertisement for the Audi A3 — equal parts hilarious and horrific.

Set to the tune of Cheap Trick’s 1979 hit, Dream Police, the Green Police spot depicts an Orwellian near-future in which a legion of environmental cops, many of whom wear shorts and get around on geeky Segways, frequently intrude upon the personal lives of the citizenry.

They spy, sift through trash, and set up dragnets looking for environmental misbehaviour.

Thus, a supermarket customer is handcuffed for requesting a plastic bag; a homeowner is apprehended for “possession of an incandescent light bulb.”

The scenarios are funny but the Green Police spot also serves as a cautionary tale of how the ever-intrusive Nanny State can make our lives miserable — ostensibly for our own good.

I was thinking of that ad upon hearing Health Canada is actually looking at regulating the sale of energy drinks such as Red Bull and Monster.

According to recent reports, an “expert panel” has recommended the federal health minister consider reclassifying caffeine-laden, heavily-sugared energy drinks.

The panel wants them classified as “stimulant drug containing drinks” and wants them yanked from the shelves of variety stores and supermarkets. The panel suggests they should be sold under the supervision of a pharmacist.

(Evidently, there’s been 61 incidents of ill effects due to energy drinks; Health Canada classifying 32 as “serious.”)

As you might imagine, the makers of energy drinks are frothing at the mouth.

The Canadian Beverage Association asserts the expert panel’s recommendations are “completely unsubstantiated in science and their conclusions are unreasonable.” It says they are based on flawed assessments and assumptions and the recommendations run counter to how energy drinks are regulated in 160 countries.

It also notes energy drinks contain, on average, half the caffeine found in a regular cup of filtered drip coffee.

“Health authorities and numerous scientific expert panels in various jurisdictions, including the E.U., Australia, and New Zealand, have assessed energy drinks and their ingredients and have concluded that they are safe,” argues the CBA.

That said, not all beverage makers are crying foul.

Frank D’Angelo, CEO of D’Angelo Brands, says he doesn’t have a problem with the proposed regulations. D’Angelo notes his energy drink, Cheetah, wouldn’t be affected because it’s caffeine-free.

“It’s not normal to market drinks to kids that are full of caffeine,” he said, noting if the proposed regulations go through as is, “Cheetah could be the last energy drink standing” at the supermarket.

Still, the idea of the government restricting the sale of these beverages smacks of the slippery slope.

After all, why stop at energy drinks? Cheese can be artery-clogging — will cheddar soon be sold by the local pharmacist?

Governments already over-regulate the distribution and sale of alcohol. Do we really want Ottawa doing likewise when it comes to non-alcoholic beverages?

Besides, consumers already have a choice.

If someone craves caffeine, let him freely buy a Rockstar.

If he wants a caffeine-free boost, he can try Cheetah.

How’s this for an idea: Let individuals decide for themselves what they want to eat and drink.

What a concept! 

The Menzoid's Trading Post: Part 2

The Crock Pot is off to Saskatchewan! But the fun hasn't stopped.

The Menzoid has something else to trade: a brand new Back and Seat Massager. That's right folks!

So who's willing to make a trade? Do you have something you'd like to swap?

If you're interested in a switch-a-roo, please email Mr. Trading Post himself at TheMenzoid@gmail.com

 

Cigarettes for votes offer a 'joke,' Liberal official says

QMI AGENCY

***LISTEN TO AUDIO HERE***

TORONTO - A senior Liberal official has been caught on tape during a party training session bragging she gave cigarettes to residents at a Toronto shelter to get them to vote.

Nikki Holland, the Ontario Liberal Party’s operational vice-president, can be heard on an audio tape of a July 16 training session talking about the need to fundraise and connect with voters.

“I have done crazy things,” Holland says in the audio recording. “Like...and if anyone repeats this I’ll deny it (until) the cows come home...I have gone to a shelter in the riding of St. Paul’s with a carton of smokes and said, ‘I’ll give you them after you vote.” I have done that...but they were already smokers...”

In an e-mail sent to Sun Media Thursday, Holland admitted she made the comments.

But the veteran political operative insisted she never actually handed out cigarettes to potential voters.

Instead, she said she merely “pretended” to have used tactics that in fact she heard other political parties use.

“During a presentation to a partisan audience I got carried away playing to the crowd,” Holland said in the e-mail.

“I repeated stories I have heard about the NDP election day tactics, and Brian Mulroney’s leadership tactics and pretended they were my own,” she wrote. “I have never done those things, and never would. It was a joke, it was a stupid mistake in the moment. I regret saying it and apologize — especially because it is not true.”

A spokesman for the Ontario Liberal Party said that Holland made an inappropriate joke in poor taste and has now apologized.

“We’ve heard of many dirty tricks by the NDP and Conservatives, but that’s not how the Ontario Liberal Party operates,” the spokesman said.

The Liberals are known for their strong anti-tobacco policies, including one of the toughest smoking bans on the continent.

“These are very serious allegations that demand an immediate investigation,” Progressive Conservative party communications director Jason Lietaer said in an e-mail. “We are shocked by these practices ­not only are they against the law but they are taking advantage of the most vulnerable in our society. It’s an affront to democracy and these kinds of tactics turn voters off. The Liberals should be ashamed of themselves.”

A Liberal spokesperson responded, "What is an affront to voters is that Tim Hudak was one of seven MPPs to vote against keeping cigarettes out of the hands of kids and that his own campaign (is) being run by (a) former big tobacco lobbyist."

Honour Boy by Ending Bullying

By Charles Adler, QMI Agency

First posted: Thursday, September 29, 2011 08:00 PM EDT

With gratitude to Michele Mandel of the Toronto Sun, she is the one who introduced so many of us to young Mitchell Wilson, a child who was, as she described him, a "normal, happy-go-lucky kid" up until the final year of his tragically brief life.

It's tough to feel normal, happy and lucky when your mom loses her life to cancer. And while you're still grieving her death, the doctor tells you that you have muscular dystrophy.

It's hard to feel normal, happy and lucky when you're told that what you love do the most, going swimming and go-carting with Dad, are both going to become impossible, even walking is going to become impossible.

But walking was the best possible way to hold on to your strength, your vitality, your sense of life, doctors tell you, and so you walk and walk and walk even though it's a struggle.

Your dad gets you an iPod to make those walks a little more enjoyable. You listen to your favourite tunes as you try to find some pleasurable escape from your new reality.

But then there is this other reality and it's tough to feel normal and happy when the bully attacks you, takes your iPod, knocks out your teeth and runs away. When you report it and police get involved, the bully's friends decide they want to take a piece out of you.

Mitchell Wilson, who was a happy-go-lucky kid at the age of 10, morphs into one very sad 11-year-old, who has lost his mom, much of his mobility and his self-esteem.

And when Mitchell Wilson received a document from the courts, known as a subpoena, asking him to testify against the boy who jumped him, when Mitchell Wilson received that order from the court, he decided he just couldn't lose one more battle. Mitchell Wilson, an 11-year-old Canadian boy, rather than face the bully who had made his difficult life miserable, chose to take his own life.

This week in an Oshawa courtroom, the case was adjourned until November when the dad hopes his late son's written words will be enough to convict the bully.

But Daddy's no fool. He realizes the bully will pay no real price whether he's convicted or not.

The question is how much of a price must the next Mitchell Wilson pay because bullies get more support in our society than victims. It's so easy for people to say there is nothing the court could have done to bring back Mitchell Wilson. That's true.

But there is something we can do to honour his memory and discuss the scourge of bullying which is depriving the Mitchell Wilsons of this country of their God-given potential.

No, we cannot raise the dead. But we can raise the issues that led to the untimely death of an 11-year-old who loved nothing more than spending quality time with his dad until the day he decided he was a burden to the father he so loved.

Parents' outrage after teacher docks grade points for pupils who say 'bless you'

By Daily Mail Reporter

Last updated at 2:23 PM on 30th September 2011

 

It is a common courtesy that dates back to medieval times. But for one Northern Californian teacher a simple 'bless you' after a sneeze is 'disruptive' and banned from his high school classes.

Steve Cuckovich, who teaches health at William C. Wood High School in Vacaville, says the practice is 'disrespectful' and has even docked 25 points from one student's grade for saying the phrase in class.

According to Cuckovich, banning 'bless you' is not for religious reasons but because it 'no longer makes sense' to use it.

The father of three told ABC: 'When you sneezed in the old days, they thought you were dispelling evil spirits out of your body.

'So they were saying, 'God bless you' for getting rid of evil spirits.

'But today, I said what you're doing doesn't really make any sense any more.'

Parent Alan Johnson said: 'I think it's ridiculous, first the Pledge of Allegiance, now preventing a kid from saying "Bless you"?

'Everybody has their right to their own beliefs but they don't have the right to impose those beliefs on other people, and especially not schoolchildren.'

There are many theories where the saying 'Bless you', or 'God bless you', after someone sneezes comes from.

One early explanation is that when Gregory I became Pope in AD 590 there was an outbreak of the bubonic plague in Rome. At the time sneezing was thought to be an early symptom of the plague so the blessing 'God bless you' was commonly used.

It is widely believed that the phrase began with Pope Gregory VII in the 11th century and the story of 'ring around the rosy' being connected to the plague.

There are legends that the heart stops beating and the phrase 'bless you' is meant to encourage the heart to continue beating.

Some believed that sneezing is a sign that God will answer your prayers.

But Cuckovich responded telling FOX40: 'It's not got anything to do with religion. It's got to do with an interruption of class time.'

Cuckovich was forced to stop deducting points from student's grades after parents complained.

But he said he would find another form of punishment for his pupils.

Principal Cliff DeGraw said: 'He realises there's better ways to do that. We don't condone that type of punishment.'

School district superintendent Dr John Niederkorn said that Cuckovich thought the students were sneezing in dramatic fashion with the intent of disrupting class.

He said: 'The teacher believed that students were dramatically sneezing and responding in repetitive fashion [saying] 'Bless you'. We are reviewing the impact of this disruption and the student grading policy.

'Certainly a blessing by one individual to another after a sneeze is a welcomed acknowledgement of a social norm. Hopefully it is not abused as a disruption of classroom instructional activities.'

The row comes after a campaign group in Brookline, Mass, prompted a national debate after proposing a ban on the Pledge of Allegiance in schools.

Brookline Political Action for Peace - also known as Brookline PAX - said
the pledge has no educational value. Martin Rosenthal, the co-chairman of Brookline PAX, said it makes his 'skin crawl' that reciting the pledge is supposed to be voluntary but schools put pressure on young children.

Mr Rosenthal said: 'It just puts kids in an uncomfortable situation. How do you say that to a six-year-old. We just don’t think it belongs in the schools.'

Earlier this month a U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals sided with school officials in Poway, California, who ordered a high school math teacher Brad Johnson remove banners he displayed in his classroom for 25 years, which state 'In God We Trust,' 'God Bless America,' and 'God Shed His Grace On Thee.'

In March, a 16-year-old high school student in El Cajon, California, sued the school district after being suspended for bringing his Bible to school.

Refreshing Patriotism

It is refreshing to have a government which respects our military and its soldiers. A new program aimed at helping veterans with mental issues is just what the doctor ordered.

Watch HERE

Gloomsday

A new report which suggests climate change will cost Canada billions has many worried, but Tom Harris thinks planning is better than panicking.

Watch HERE

Bullied to Death: A Father's Plea

Watch Charles' Sun News Network interview with Craig Wilson, father of Mitchell Wilson, the boy who killed himself after excessive bullying. 

Click here to watch the interview.

Chris Christie Calls Obama a Bystander in the Oval Office